PUBLICATION EXPECTED IN 2025

Rush Slowly:

My Life as an Oxymoron

Barbara Sehr

I was seven years old when I knew I was different. My mission—and I chose to accept it—was to prepare for the truth that was in me. But, having a father who graduated from the Hitler Youth, and then the Nazi Luftwaffe, I knew my truth had to remain silenced.

The deep voice my father gave me, my mother’s multiple divorces, and my sister’s expected disbelief, pointed me in a single direction. Growing up, I could speak only to the angels of my true being. Wishing and hoping, hoping and wishing, was all I could expect. Ultimately, I would reconstruct myself through an endless period of silence and inner refinement.

I had the great fortune of joining other trans folks at Ingersoll Gender Center in Seattle. It was a place for confession of a sort, for thinking, planning, and self-organization. We were trained to think at another level of expectation and to organize thoughts that would move us forward. Through my years at Ingersoll, the words “Rush Slowly” on the wall stared back at me.

Some four years later, I was ready for my long-awaited surgery. In 1989, the late doctor provided me with more than life. I was assured of the truth in my heart and soul. I was prepared for a life that would not only change me, but also one in which I knew I would be able to reach out to help others. I was given far more than what some would call a “sex-change operation.”

Today, in my old age, I am able to support suffering trans folks on a regular blog. I write for youngsters who now face slammed doors, insults, and inability to proceed with life itself. For half of America, gender issues have become a national battlefield of obstruction. Thank God, I am able to raise a voice of truth.